Fired Up! Ready to Go... to sleep!

I went into the night before the election knowing that I would have trouble sleeping. Getting my decaf espresso fully ‘caffed sealed the deal. I kept busy until after midnight then went to bed and did something I swore I wouldn’t. I turned on CNN.

I turned the sound down to a level barely audible and rolled over with my back to the screen. I figured the glow of the television screen would ease me to sleep. The fourth stringer at the anchor desk was talking about the Asian impact on the election. I was drifting as my head sunk deeper into my pillow. Then a clip of Barack Obama’s speech from Manassas came on. I had to hear this. I propped up and turned up the sound and was as inspired as ever listening to this amazing, transcendent man talk about common direction, hope and getting fired up. I was reminded in an instant of what he did to capture my imagination and spirit four and a half years ago. I flashed back to his keynote speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention. The goose bumps returned to my skin as they did that night. The audacity of hope. How profound and brilliant to take something so humble and unassuming and attach a word of conviction and expectation. I was reminded of how in an instant I was hooked. More than being hooked on Barack Obama, I was hooked on his message and his ability to inspire and connect to something universal and greater than I or any of us.

I remembered receiving his first book as a gift and on my birthday a month or so later and devouring it in a way that I had not taken in a book of this sort. I heard him as I read the pages. I remembered thinking, “2012 can’t come soon enough,” thinking that he probably wouldn’t be ready for a run in 2008. I was wrong. Nearly two years ago later he announced his candidacy for President. One day later; on February 11, 2007, I signed on as a campaign volunteer. Not only was I hooked, but now I was invested.

I had gotten used to losing. All my candidates seemed to lose. Bill Clinton won, and I was proud to support him. But in the 1992 Democratic primary I supported Bob Kerrey then John Kerry then Al Gore until each of them bowed out, leaving me with my party’s nominee. In 2000, I threw my support behind Bill Bradley until he too left the race. I proudly supported Al Gore in November and suffered along with everyone else as the first Republican hijack of the new millennium took place in the weeks following the election. I, along with the rest of the Democrats and the country was left feeling beaten and angry. By the time 2004 rolled around I again backed a talented and inspired candidate who lacked whatever it was most of us were looking for. John Edwards came close to finishing the job, at least as far as my primary candidates were concerned. But for reasons I still don’t quite understand, we nominated an awkward and uninspiring John Kerry to rescue us from a vulnerable George W. Bush. Once again, we found a way to blow an easy layup and lost yet another election.

So when Barack Obama came along, I was already conditioned to lose. I was inspired and moved by him, and I thought others would be too if they gave him a chance. But would they? Would he have the money to survive the Clinton machine in the primaries? I was hopeful (as usual) but not confident. I was used to and ready to lose.

At every turn during the historic Democratic primary season I waited for what seemed to perfect to fall apart. As I worried and worked on the grassroots level as a Precinct Captain, the campaign raised record amounts of money. By the time any of us noticed, He had won Iowa then later eleven primaries in a row and the Clinton machine was sputtering. Still I patiently waited for the sky to start falling.

I grew up a fan of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Bucs lost their first twenty-six games – all of their games in their first season and the first twelve of their second. I was trained early how to lose. My high school football teams never won more than five games in any season. My baseball teams were consistently below .500. Losing was something I had grown used to.

Even in the late days of the primaries as civility had been abandoned between the Obama and Clinton campaigns I was worried that the nomination that seemed secure would be wrestled away in a legal battle. Once the nomination was secure and Clinton conceded, my worry shifted to the unrest within the party and how so many of the Clinton supporters vowed to never vote for Obama. We seemed fractured.

As the Obama campaign moved into full swing against John McCain, my confidence grew and even flourished. His message focused even more and the clarity of his direction and purpose seemed to reach people that I never thought he could. We were winning.

Then, I came out to my car one morning to find that the ‘Obama 08’ sticker on my car had been defaced in black marker with, ‘no black prez!’ Of course! It was just a matter of time; wasn’t it? While I had certainly conceded that race could always play a role in this campaign I assumed that we were beyond it. By in large, we were and are beyond. Certainly there are pockets of ignorance and vile racism left in this country, but they are shrinking. Race would not be his downfall in this election. Barack wasn’t worried about it and neither was I.

As the Obama war chest continued to grow, his campaign kept growing and enhancing their ground game, registering new, enthusiastic voters. But we had done this before. Democrats had put their collective eggs in the young voter basket before only to have them blow off voting sealing the second Bush term deal. But this time, the Obama campaign, run by the brilliant David Plouffe took the effort a step further. They engaged the young voters and gave them a sense of investment and purpose, putting them to work. These folks would not stay home. They were going to drag their roommates out of bed on November 4th.

As election day approached, my confidence grew to unprecedented levels. I actually expected to win – I expect to win. My worry shifted from Obama/McCain to House and Senate races and ballot initiatives. My guy, my candidate and boss of nearly two years was ahead by as many as twelve points on the night before the election. So why couldn’t I sleep at 3:13am?

I turned off the television, shut down my computer and focused on sleep. I squinted my eyes as if that would really help. In the glow of my charging cell phone and laptop I saw images of Kathleen Harris calling Florida for George Bush in 2000. I had premonitions of CNN calling Virginia for McCain. I saw another close race in Florida and a McCain surge in Pennsylvania. Oh shit!

I thought about getting us and heading out to hang the sign that I made for my precinct. I had planned to hang it off of the overpass over Intestate 5 headed toward Los Angeles. Over the Obama name and logo it says, “Today, hope becomes change.” I decided to wait. My alarm was set for 5:30am so that the northbound commuters would see it. The last time I remember seeing on my phone was 3:23. I woke confused two hours later to my alarm. I grabbed my help: Thomas, an eighteen year-old, first time voter and his eleven year-old sister Kat and headed for the overpass to hang the sign. I felt good about involving a new voter and a future voter in something that they will probably never forget. They felt passion in what we were doing, and it was their own passion. It wasn’t manufactured or brainwashed into them. This was their guy too and they were playing a part in electing him.

Still with just two hours sleep and a ton of pent up anxiety I am a lot more relaxed now. Hanging the banner put me at ease. I would love to write that it doesn’t matter how it turns out, I’m just honored to, blah, blah, blah. That would be a lie. It does matter and it matters a lot. Over the last couple years, my memories of losing candidates have started to fade with every won primary and debate. The Bucs are consistently good and even the Rays are winners now. Maybe we’re beyond all this. Actually, I think we are. We as a people are beyond all this. We’re beyond an inability to elect a black man President. We’re beyond the acceptance of campaigns run on fear and divisive rhetoric and we’re certainly beyond the Constitutional rape and pillage of the last eight years. Starting tonight we are all, as a people beyond it all.

For me, my precondition for political failure has been replaced by the most focused and positive and inclusive message of our time. I believe with nearly all of my head and heart that we will win tonight. When we do, I cannot imagine a greater sense of pride and emotion coming over me. Barack Obama and Joe Biden are the perfect team to lead us out of this unimaginable darkness and into a new chapter. I am enormously proud – more than I can articulate – to have been along for the ride for the entire time.