A Huggable Evangelical

By Nicholas Kristof

Sad word today from Washington that Richard Cizik, who helped lead the evangelical Christian movement away from the culture wars and gay-bashing to tackle global poverty and climate change, has been pushed out of his job. Rich had headed the Washington office of the National Association of Evangelicals, and for many years he had played a critical role in the rebranding of evangelicals.

A few years ago I wrote a column headlined “Hug an Evangelical,” about the way evangelicals were now tackling humanitarian issues like AIDS, Darfur, poverty and religious repression. That column was all about people like Rich who were using the political power of evangelicals to get the White House to pay attention to Sudan, AIDS and malaria. Most liberals are still so distrustful of conservative Christians that they don’t appreciate the significance of that shift, but it’s huge.

Travel through Cambodia, and you see child brothels closed because evangelical groups hounded the U.S. and Cambodian governments to get them shut. Visit southern Africa, and you see people who are alive today only because evangelicals nagged President Bush into launching PEPFAR, his AIDS initiative. And while it’s true that some PEPFAR money has been squandered on abstinence-only programs, that’s only a small piece of the pie (30 percent of prevention funding, or about 10 percent of the overall total). And if we’re going to make further progress on issues that I care deeply about, it will be because of coalitions between bleeding-heart liberals and bleeding-heart evangelicals.

Rich’s downfall came in an interview with Terry Gross on NPR’s Fresh Air, when he said he favored civil unions for gay couples. More conservative evangelicals already regarded him with great suspicion, and that was the last straw. He resigned. I realize that a defense in The New York Times will only confirm the judgment of many conservative Christians that he should have been ousted long ago. But he was a bridge-builder whose legacy is people alive today in remote villages, who would otherwise be dead of AIDS or malaria — and another part of his legacy is the respect that some liberals like myself have for the National Association of Evangelicals. I hope that someone like the Rev. Rick Warren can find a way to use Rich as a new ideological bridge so that left and right can cooperate to accomplish more in the humanitarian arena.

Powell Slams Palin, Limbaugh

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell took aim at Sarah Palin and the Republican party's emphasis on small-town values during an interview with CNN's Fareed Zakharia that will air this Sunday.

Powell also says that we should rethink its "don't ask, don't tell" policy on homosexuals in the military. And he tells Republicans that they should stop listening to Rush Limbaugh:

"Can we continue to listen to Rush Limbaugh?" Powell asked. "Is this really the kind of party that we want to be when these kinds of spokespersons seem to appeal to our lesser instincts rather than our better instincts?"
As noted by Think Progress, Powell says:

Gov. Palin, to some extent, pushed the party more to the right, and I think she had something of a polarizing effect when she talked about how small town values are good. Well, most of us don't live in small towns. And I was raised in the South Bronx, and there's nothing wrong with my value system from the South Bronx.

And when they came to Virginia and said the southern part of Virginia is good and the northern part of Virginia is bad. The only problem with that is there are more votes in the northern part of Virginia than there are in the southern part of Virginia, so that doesn't work.

Twilight's Spawn of Vamp Kid Hatchlings Hitting Goths Where it Hurts

Frustrated Writer Frustrated by Being a Writer

By Owen Thomas

Every wannabe author has this fantasy of what the job is like. This fantasy usually involves writing. Ha! Ben Chadwick, a programmer with an MFA in creative fiction, has called out for help on Craigslist.

Specifically, he wants someone to work for $80 to $100 a week to market his oeuvre. He has a day job, so no time to waste "sticking his tongue into the greasy gears of the publishing machine," as he puts it. The sad thing is, with the state of the media job market, I don't think he'll have any trouble finding someone to do the work:


Slightly published fiction MFA seeking literary assistant for sending out manuscripts (short stories, mostly, as well as novel queries and maybe other stuff) to appropriate publications. The assistant would research publications, track submissions, stuff envelopes, perform some light editing, and offer criticism.

The ideal candidate would have an MFA or a BA in English/Creative Writing, some editing experience, and extensive knowledge of the literary publishing "market". It would certainly help if you have similar tastes to my own, and especially if you like my writing. (Please do not view this Craigslist post as a sample.) You MUST be located in the New York City area.

I expect this would take up about 6-8 hours per week. Pay would be $80-$100/week depending on experience. The rate is negotiable. I am readily willing to compensate for superior quality work and dedication. I would also happily critique and edit some fiction, essays, resumes, applications, etc. for you. Most of the work could be done from home. We would meet up once every week or two and you could hand me a stack of envelopes awaiting my signature. Please note, there would almost certainly be weeks without work (meaning no pay, either). Alternative arrangement suggestions are welcome. I will cover mailing costs and I might even buy you some falafel. I'm already worried that you're not getting enough to eat on your measly wage.

I will be realistic about what I'm offering here. This obviously wouldn't work as a primary job. For someone working part-time or interning already, however, it could contribute some booze money or help defray rent. I am not a slave-driver, and there is potential that this could be a long-term partnership if it works out. This would be good training for a future literary agent. And someday I will write you a recommendation that will make Jesus jealous. Hell, I'm tempted to apply for this myself.

About the author: Mr. X received his MFA in Creative Writing (Fiction) from George Mason University a couple years ago and has been busy paying the rent ever since. He also holds a BA in Archaeology from the University of Virginia. His tastes are primarily modern/post-modern/international. Italo Calvino, Julio Cortazar, Thomas Pynchon, J.G. Ballard, William Gibson, Haruki Murakami, David Foster Wallace, Jack Kerouac, Robert Coover, Nathanael West, Kurt Vonnegut, John dos Passos. He works in the financial sector (tick-tock) and rides the MTA home to Queens.

Basically, Mr. X has a complete apathy/loathing for the submissions process itself, and not enough free time, either, because of his day job. He has written some worthy short stories but hates sticking his tongue into the greasy gears of the publishing machine, and he never has enough stamps anyway. So, he has been sitting on some good work for several years and would like to see it get printed — and write more.

Oh, and how did I know Mr. X was Ben Chadwick? The academic credentials he presented made finding his LinkedIn profile a snap. Turns out Chadwick has first-hand experience in poorly paid publishing work: He worked as a "slave" for La Cucina Italiana, a magazine, before finding work in financial services.

Oh, and? Chadwick and I attended the same school in northern Virginia, the Thomas Jefferson High School for Science & Technology, five years apart. Ben, look me up at the next reunion. I'll share some writing tips. For free.

Brits Starting to Make Americans Look Graceful as Suicide is Broadcast on UK Reality Show

So much for the diminutive British! The assisted suicide of an American named Craig Ewert was broadcast on a British reality show Wednesday immediately casting all Americans addicted to homegrown brain-drain reality programing in a more positive light.

Ewert's death was recorded at a Swiss clinic by a film crew in 2006 and had been shown on Swiss television previoulsy.
MORE HERE

Lawd, Have Mercy! Jesse Jackson Jr. is Blago's 'Candidate 5'

A law enforcement official confirms that the person referred to in the federal criminal complaint against Gov. Rod Blagojevich as "Candidate 5" is Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr.

However, federal officials caution that they have no evidence, other than statements made by Blagojevich, about whether Candidate 5 actually made any improper approaches to the governor. No conversations with Candidate 5 were ever picked up on any of the bugs or wiretaps.
MORE HERE

FBI: Illinois Governor tried to auction Senate seat

CHICAGO - Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich embarked on a "corruption crime spree" and tried to benefit from his ability to appoint President-elect Barack Obama's replacement in the U.S. Senate, federal officials said Tuesday.

At a news conference in Chicago on Tuesday, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald called it a sad day for the citizens of Illinois and alleged that the governor tried to "auction off" the Senate seat "to the highest bidder."

He said the alleged behavior "would make (Abe) Lincoln roll over in his grave."
(MORE HERE)

A 'Twilight' review for the 'twi-curious'

If you’re confused and slightly aroused by the fervor surrounding the film ‘Twilight’ you’re probably either a teenager radically sheltered by an overzealous Christian parent or you’re just old. I would fall into the latter category.

Actually, it’s not so much that I am old as it is a case of just not being the demographic for the film nor the wildly popular book series by Stephenie Meyer. The ‘Twilight’ franchise is much like rap music, ‘The Hills’ and anything involving Tela Tequila; forty year-old white men are not even in the top ten when it comes to target audience.

The Twilight book series has clearly had some cross-over success with women, attracting older demographics that couldn’t resist the dark fairytales of Bella and Edward. However, manly men such as myself and others (straight, married or divorced, able to name all thirty-two NFL teams, and would include The Godfather and Goodfellas in their personal best films of all time lists) have avoided the allure of the books and especially the movie. Not since… well, this summer’s ‘Mama Mia’ have movie theaters been so disproportionately deprived of testosterone. Only sexually confused teenage boys, ones still trying to impress girls they are courting and any male who had recently fucked up in any way and were forced to go were dropping the down the nine fifty required to see this movie.

Understanding that I couldn’t possibly maintain my self-respect and see Twilight in my local theater, I was left with two choices: I could travel outside a stones throw of my zip code or I could do what tech savvy twi-curious men everywhere are doing and download a pirated version off the internet. The copy I downloaded was a crude version shot with a video camera. The quality was pretty good, though, certainly good enough to get by.

All in all, ‘Twilight’ is exactly what I thought it would be. At times it reminded me of ‘Dawson’s Creek’ in the rain and at others it looked like a carbon copy of Guns n Roses’ ‘November Rain’ video. It was embarrassingly cliché at times and left me with the constant expectation that Luke Perry would be strolling onto the screen at any moment.

Without spoiling the storyline, I will say that Bella, played by Kristen Stewart is the most believable and compelling character. At no time did I want to punch her in the stomach. She was cute and not overly emo or conflicted. I was pleasantly surprised that neither she nor any of the other frontline characters were driven to cut themselves. Edward (Robert Pattinson), on the other hand eased into the film like the spawn of Fiona Apple and Jim Morrison. The dark circles under his eyes and his pasty white skin effectively conveyed one-hundred years of a tortured and loveless existence. Edward became a vampire at seventeen and was therefore cursed with repeating high school year after year in order to maintain a believable cover. Clever. We learn quickly that Edward was, as Michael Jackson said, not like the other boys. For a hundred years Edward has posed as a high school boy and resisted the temptations of the eras. It is this storyline that first illustrates that these books were clearly written by an idealistic Mormon woman.

If you go my route and watch an illegal copy of Twilight, pause the movie at the thirty minute mark. Try to guess in your head how the rest of the film will go. How will it end? You’ll be exactly right, I assure you. Nothing about ‘Twilight’ is a surprise or offers a twist. Legitimate reviews of the film have said that it lacks “bite”. Well said. The climax seems to take forever develop and is played out in record time. And, no, that is not a metaphor for Mormon sexual dysfunction. Clearly, there is a strong and freaky vibe in the LDS. They, after all invented polygamy and sex with minors in pioneer outfits. Mormons are very in touch with the concept of getting some ‘strange’.

The third and decisive act of the film really doesn’t even start until more that three quarters of the way through the film and is resolved in a matter of minutes. The focus of the film remains consistent and obliging to its target audience and is mostly about the emerging and innocent love of these two teenagers. So if you’re looking for a few hot scenes of vampire sex, move on. The couple only shares one kiss that I remember. And when you consider that Edward’s skin is cold to the touch and is actually one-hundred years-old, chances are he suffers from severe erectile dysfunction. Clearly this story was not meant to be dissected.

The bottom line is that ‘Twilight’ is probably exactly what you think and exactly what tween and teen girls everywhere are hopelessly searching for. How it compares to the book, I can’t say and wouldn’t say even if I could. I can see a nice little franchise emerging here. While this film had a surprisingly low budget look to it, subsequent efforts will no doubt benefit from the success of this film. Expect the next film, ‘New Moon’ to look more sleek and upgraded. The challenge for the makers of these films will be to get them made quick enough to maintain the illusive interest of their target audience. For an example of how this will go if it’s dragged out over time see the chronology of New Kids on the Block.

Prop 8 - The Musical

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

Larry Craig's Legacy Secure in MSP Men's Room After Appeal Denied

MINNEAPOLIS — Idaho Sen. Larry Craig has lost his latest attempt to withdraw his guilty plea in the Minneapolis airport men's room sex sting that effectively ended his Senate career.

A three-judge panel of the Minnesota Court of Appeals on Tuesday rejected the Republican's bid to toss out his disorderly conduct conviction.

Craig still has the option of appealing to the Minnesota Supreme Court, and he said Tuesday he was considering future options.

Craig was arrested June 11, 2007, by an undercover police officer who was conducting a sting operation against men cruising for gay sex at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

He quietly pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor and paid a fine, but changed his mind after word of his arrest became public that August. Craig insisted he was innocent and said he was not gay. His attorney argued that the police officer misconstrued Craig's foot-tapping, hand movements and other conduct.

But the case brought widespread ridicule and effectively ended his political career.

Craig lost several GOP leadership positions in the wake of the scandal, and the Senate Ethics Committee said in February that Craig had brought discredit on the Senate. The committee members said they believed he was guilty, and that his attempt to withdraw his plea was just an effort to evade the legal consequences of his own actions.

He did not seek a fourth term in last month's election. He will be replaced in January by Idaho Lt. Gov. Jim Risch, a Republican.

Craig's attorney, Billy Martin, argued before the appeals court in September that there was insufficient evidence for any judge to find him guilty.

In its 10-page opinion, the appeals panel said that Craig failed to show that Hennepin County District Judge Charles Porter abused his discretion by denying his petition to withdraw his plea. Porter had said the plea was "accurate, voluntary and intelligent, and ... supported by the evidence."

Tuesday's opinion also said Craig failed to show that the state's disorderly conduct law was unconstitutionally overbroad.

"I am extremely disappointed by the action of the Minnesota Court of Appeals," Craig said in a statement. "I disagree with their conclusion and remain steadfast in my belief that nothing criminal or improper occurred at the Minneapolis airport." He said he and his attorneys were reviewing into the possibility of further appeals.

After the story became public, Craig had initially said that he would resign from the Senate, but he changed his mind about that, too, and vowed to fight to clear his name.

Patrick Hogan, a spokesman for the Metropolitan Airports Commission, which runs the airport, said the appellate decision again confirms that Craig knew what he was doing when he entered his plea. He said the agency hopes it's the end of the case.

'Focus on the Family' Layoffs and the High Cost of Discrimination

UPDATE: Focus on the Family announced this afternoon that 202 jobs will be cut companywide. Initial reports bring the total number of employees to around 950.

Focus on the Family is poised to announce major layoffs to its Colorado Springs-based ministry and media empire today. The cutbacks come just weeks after the group pumped more than half a million dollars into the successful effort to pass a gay-marriage ban in California.


Critics are holding up the layoffs, which come just two months after the organization’s last round of dismissals, as a sad commentary on the true priorities of ministry.

“If I were their membership I would be appalled,” said Mark Lewis, a longtime Colorado Springs activist who helped organize a Proposition 8 protest in Colorado Springs on Saturday. “That [Focus on the Family] would spend any money on anything that’s obviously going to get blocked in the courts is just sad. [Prop. 8] is guaranteed to lose, in the long run it doesn’t have a chance — it’s just a waste of money.”

In all, Focus pumped $539,000 in cash and another $83,000 worth of non-monetary support into the measure to overturn a California Supreme Court ruling that allowed gays and lesbians to marry in that state. The group was the seventh-largest donor to the effort in the country. The cash contributions are equal to the salaries of 19 Coloradans earning the 2008 per capita income of $29,133.

In addition Elsa Prince, the auto parts heiress and longtime funder of conservative social causes who sits on the Focus on the Family board, contributed another $450,000 to Prop. 8.

“They should do more with their half-million dollars than spending it to collect signatures to take the rights away from a class of people,” said Fred Karger, the founder of the anti-Prop 8 group Californians Against Hate. “I think it’s wrong and it’s hurtful to so many Americans.”

In addition to promoting socially conservative issues such opposition to abortion and gay rights, and supporting abstinence-only education, the evangelical Christian ministry is a purveyor of Christian books, CDs and DVDs. Two months ago, citing Wal-Mart and online retailers as having cut into its product market, Focus announced that 46 employees would be laid off from its distribution department. Late Friday, Focus spokesman Gary Schneeberger confirmed that more layoffs are in store, but said the ministry will not release details until Monday afternoon. Schneeberger hinted that some programs may be eliminated entirely, but declined to elaborate.

“We’re going to need to talk to our own family first,” he said. “We need to respect the people who are affected.”

Schneeberger also refused to discuss the funding priorities that Focus made this fall, including pumping money and in-kind contributions into Proposition 8.

This is the third year that Focus has laid off employees due to budget cuts. In its heyday, the ministry, which relocated to Colorado Springs from Arcadia, Calif., in 1991, employed more than 1,500 people. Many of those employees worked in mailroom and line assembly jobs, processing so much incoming and outgoing correspondences that the U.S. Postal Service gave Focus its own ZIP code.

In September 2005, nearly 80 employees were reassigned or laid off in an effort to trim millions of dollars from its 2006 budget. In addition, 83 open positions were not filled in the layoff, which included eliminating some of the ministry’s programs. At the time, Focus employed 1,342 full-time employees.

“To the extent that we can place them within the ministry, we will try to do that,” said then-spokesman Paul Hetrick. “Most of them will not be able to be placed.”

In September 2007, amid a reported $8 million in budget shortfalls, Focus on the Family laid off another 30 employees; 15 more were reassigned within the company. Most of the layoffs were from Focus’ constituent response services department (i.e. the mailroom).

At the time, Schneeberger, who had replaced Hetrick, said that giving was actually up by $1 million during the fiscal year. However, a very “aggressive” budget goal of $150 million did not materialize.

In a statement issued this September, marking the end of the ministry’s fiscal year, Chief Operating Officer Glenn Williams weighed in on the additional layoffs of 46 people.

“It is certainly heartbreaking that in this case fulfilling that duty means having to say goodbye to some members of our Focus family, but industry realities really leave us no alternative,” he note in his statement. “We are accountable to our donors to spend their money in the most cost-effective and productive manner possible.”

But Lewis, the Colorado Springs activist, wonders whether the families who donate to the nonprofit ministry, realize where their funds really end up.

“Seriously, I would imagine their supporters have got to be asking the question about whether their church is really practicing their theology.”

For Lewis, who is straight, the issue boils down to the significance of targeting a class of citizens for exclusion, at the expense of the families that the ministry could be helping — in this case their own employees.

Lewis likened Proposition 8 to Colorado’s Amendment 2, the 1992 anti-gay measure that was designed to prohibit gays and lesbians from seeking legal protections. Colorado voters approved the measure, which was marketed by proponents, including Focus on the Family, as an effort to prohibit gays and lesbians from seeking “special rights.” The U.S. Supreme Court stuck down the measure as unconstitutional four years later.

“You can’t make homosexuals second class citizens — we’ve learned that already,” Lewis said. “People will look back on this and see how absurd it is.”

Days before this year’s election, Focus founder James Dobson appeared at a closing rally at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego to rally the anti-gay troops.

Karger of Californians Against Hate, termed the rally a “big bust.” Organizers promised that more than 70,000 supporters would show up; the final tally was close to 10,000, he said.

Yet three days later, California voters approved the measure with 52 percent of the vote. While the measure will certainly head back to court, California has become the 31st state in the country to pass measures that define marriage as being between a man and woman only. In all, Proposition 8 has proven to be the most expensive social issue in the country, with more than $73 million pumped into the cause from both sides. One of the larger contributors to the anti-Prop. 8 efforts was Colorado gay philanthropist Tim Gill, who contributed $720,000 to oppose the measure.

“I’m very disturbed by organizations from out of state like Focus on the Family,” Karger said. “They came in early to make sure the measure got on ballot; they’ve got muscle and they are out to hurt a lot of people and destroy a lot of lives.”

Honor Our Troops With Your Time and Attention - Not Cliches

I have an idea. Let’s agree to never again use the playful description, “years young”. John McCain constantly referred to his mother as “ninety-six years young.” I get it – we all do, but it’s no longer funny and it’s just pathetically cliché. So, lets all agree to never use it.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I will not high-five you either. It screams ‘1988’ and ‘white guy on a couch with a bag of chips’. I will ‘fist bump’ you for the moment, but that is wearing out its welcome too.

Realizing that I am pushing my luck here, can we also stop saying that the troops in Iraq are defending our freedom? The troops in Afghanistan are fighting to suppress an enemy that would threaten our freedoms, but that war effort is a disintegrating and ever increasing exercise in ‘making it up as we go.’ But compared to our efforts in Iraq they fight a more dignified and focused war.

The troops in Iraq are not defending our freedoms. Now before you call me anti-American or navigate off of this page out of protest understand that my reverence and admiration for our troops is not up for debate. Our military troops are brave, honorable and without question, selfless for the sacrifices they willingly and sometimes over and over take on for their country.

It is often said and written that they are defending my rights to express this very position. They say that men and women are dying in Ramaili and Haditha and Baghdad defending my right to spout my opinions in these pages. Its just not so. They are not defending our freedoms. Instead, and sadly, they are defending our interests. Not yours or mine directly, but they are being sent to fight and die and lose limbs for our national self-interests. They are sacrificing supremely in defense of our national will and our insistence of imposing it upon others.

Whether it is ego or oil or nationalism run amuck, our war effort in Iraq has been anything but defense of our freedoms. When challenged, the Bush administration has often pointed to the fundamentalist religious leaders in Iraq and neighboring Iran’s (just in case) increasing and radical control of their government. Meanwhile back at home, our religious leaders could provide a list as long as your arm while this nation would be better suited with a Christian agenda, an agenda chock full of religious intolerance and the robbing of the civil liberties of select groups such as women, minorities and homosexuals. They could call them… oh, I don’t know… infidels.

Once again, I digress…

For our troops to defend something other than our freedom is not to say that their efforts are any less noble. It is possible to fight with honor and distinction as a nation when our freedoms are not at stake. It has been argued that our involvement in the Pacific during World War II had nothing to do with a Japanese threat or desire to impose their will on our culture. We certainly had to get involved and fight. Defending the rights and lives of others is perhaps a more noble cause than defending our own interests. Harry Truman knew this better than anyone. He considered and lived with the knowledge that ending the war with Japan meant ending the lives of thousands of civilians. History will never view Truman as anything but noble and honorable.

If anything, our troops deserve that we as a nation understand exactly what they are fighting for. To say that they are defending our freedom is painting it with the broadest brush available. Removing a tyrant dictator and attempting to deliver freedom to a region is a defined and honorable description. It also focuses the inevitable criticism and opposition directly where it should be – away from the brave troops and right at the administration pushing the buttons and spending the lives.

There will be some that will blast my contention as anti-American and even treason. They will tell you that my words prove my disdain for the troops. They would paint me with that same broad brush. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I am amazed at the level of commitment and honor with which these men and women serve. They are true heroes. They are to be honored and saluted every day – not just one day a year. But they deserve the extra time that it takes the rest of us to truly understand their duty and sacrifice. If my freedom to speak or write of protest or criticize the government of this country I love so much were ever in true peril, I have no doubt that it would be bravely defended. To all of our veterans; thank you and God bless you and your service. We are all better for it.

Prop 8 is a Rejection of Love

Keith Olbermann delivered a rousing, emotional, 6-minute special comment on Prop 8 Monday night. Olbermann, who has never married, vehemently disagrees with its passage and the ban on gay marriage.

"I am not personal vested this," he said, "yet this vote is horrible. Horrible... This is about the human heart." After going through the history of marriage in the United States, and reminding viewers not only that marriage between black and white people used to be illegal in 1/3 of the country, but illegal between slaves, he made a plea for love and the spread of happiness.

"The world is barren enough... with so much hate in the world, so much meaningless division... this is what your religion tells you to do?... this is what your heart tells you to do?... You are asked to stand now on a question of love."

WATCH:

Post Script by Keith

Party Time Behind the Orange Curtain

The only thing better than an Obama victory party is a Obama victory party in the most Republican county in America!

Entry at the Obama '08 victory party in Costa Mesa last night.


The monitor as Obama is projected the 44th President of the United States

YES WE DID!

Fired Up! Ready to Go... to sleep!

I went into the night before the election knowing that I would have trouble sleeping. Getting my decaf espresso fully ‘caffed sealed the deal. I kept busy until after midnight then went to bed and did something I swore I wouldn’t. I turned on CNN.

I turned the sound down to a level barely audible and rolled over with my back to the screen. I figured the glow of the television screen would ease me to sleep. The fourth stringer at the anchor desk was talking about the Asian impact on the election. I was drifting as my head sunk deeper into my pillow. Then a clip of Barack Obama’s speech from Manassas came on. I had to hear this. I propped up and turned up the sound and was as inspired as ever listening to this amazing, transcendent man talk about common direction, hope and getting fired up. I was reminded in an instant of what he did to capture my imagination and spirit four and a half years ago. I flashed back to his keynote speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention. The goose bumps returned to my skin as they did that night. The audacity of hope. How profound and brilliant to take something so humble and unassuming and attach a word of conviction and expectation. I was reminded of how in an instant I was hooked. More than being hooked on Barack Obama, I was hooked on his message and his ability to inspire and connect to something universal and greater than I or any of us.

I remembered receiving his first book as a gift and on my birthday a month or so later and devouring it in a way that I had not taken in a book of this sort. I heard him as I read the pages. I remembered thinking, “2012 can’t come soon enough,” thinking that he probably wouldn’t be ready for a run in 2008. I was wrong. Nearly two years ago later he announced his candidacy for President. One day later; on February 11, 2007, I signed on as a campaign volunteer. Not only was I hooked, but now I was invested.

I had gotten used to losing. All my candidates seemed to lose. Bill Clinton won, and I was proud to support him. But in the 1992 Democratic primary I supported Bob Kerrey then John Kerry then Al Gore until each of them bowed out, leaving me with my party’s nominee. In 2000, I threw my support behind Bill Bradley until he too left the race. I proudly supported Al Gore in November and suffered along with everyone else as the first Republican hijack of the new millennium took place in the weeks following the election. I, along with the rest of the Democrats and the country was left feeling beaten and angry. By the time 2004 rolled around I again backed a talented and inspired candidate who lacked whatever it was most of us were looking for. John Edwards came close to finishing the job, at least as far as my primary candidates were concerned. But for reasons I still don’t quite understand, we nominated an awkward and uninspiring John Kerry to rescue us from a vulnerable George W. Bush. Once again, we found a way to blow an easy layup and lost yet another election.

So when Barack Obama came along, I was already conditioned to lose. I was inspired and moved by him, and I thought others would be too if they gave him a chance. But would they? Would he have the money to survive the Clinton machine in the primaries? I was hopeful (as usual) but not confident. I was used to and ready to lose.

At every turn during the historic Democratic primary season I waited for what seemed to perfect to fall apart. As I worried and worked on the grassroots level as a Precinct Captain, the campaign raised record amounts of money. By the time any of us noticed, He had won Iowa then later eleven primaries in a row and the Clinton machine was sputtering. Still I patiently waited for the sky to start falling.

I grew up a fan of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Bucs lost their first twenty-six games – all of their games in their first season and the first twelve of their second. I was trained early how to lose. My high school football teams never won more than five games in any season. My baseball teams were consistently below .500. Losing was something I had grown used to.

Even in the late days of the primaries as civility had been abandoned between the Obama and Clinton campaigns I was worried that the nomination that seemed secure would be wrestled away in a legal battle. Once the nomination was secure and Clinton conceded, my worry shifted to the unrest within the party and how so many of the Clinton supporters vowed to never vote for Obama. We seemed fractured.

As the Obama campaign moved into full swing against John McCain, my confidence grew and even flourished. His message focused even more and the clarity of his direction and purpose seemed to reach people that I never thought he could. We were winning.

Then, I came out to my car one morning to find that the ‘Obama 08’ sticker on my car had been defaced in black marker with, ‘no black prez!’ Of course! It was just a matter of time; wasn’t it? While I had certainly conceded that race could always play a role in this campaign I assumed that we were beyond it. By in large, we were and are beyond. Certainly there are pockets of ignorance and vile racism left in this country, but they are shrinking. Race would not be his downfall in this election. Barack wasn’t worried about it and neither was I.

As the Obama war chest continued to grow, his campaign kept growing and enhancing their ground game, registering new, enthusiastic voters. But we had done this before. Democrats had put their collective eggs in the young voter basket before only to have them blow off voting sealing the second Bush term deal. But this time, the Obama campaign, run by the brilliant David Plouffe took the effort a step further. They engaged the young voters and gave them a sense of investment and purpose, putting them to work. These folks would not stay home. They were going to drag their roommates out of bed on November 4th.

As election day approached, my confidence grew to unprecedented levels. I actually expected to win – I expect to win. My worry shifted from Obama/McCain to House and Senate races and ballot initiatives. My guy, my candidate and boss of nearly two years was ahead by as many as twelve points on the night before the election. So why couldn’t I sleep at 3:13am?

I turned off the television, shut down my computer and focused on sleep. I squinted my eyes as if that would really help. In the glow of my charging cell phone and laptop I saw images of Kathleen Harris calling Florida for George Bush in 2000. I had premonitions of CNN calling Virginia for McCain. I saw another close race in Florida and a McCain surge in Pennsylvania. Oh shit!

I thought about getting us and heading out to hang the sign that I made for my precinct. I had planned to hang it off of the overpass over Intestate 5 headed toward Los Angeles. Over the Obama name and logo it says, “Today, hope becomes change.” I decided to wait. My alarm was set for 5:30am so that the northbound commuters would see it. The last time I remember seeing on my phone was 3:23. I woke confused two hours later to my alarm. I grabbed my help: Thomas, an eighteen year-old, first time voter and his eleven year-old sister Kat and headed for the overpass to hang the sign. I felt good about involving a new voter and a future voter in something that they will probably never forget. They felt passion in what we were doing, and it was their own passion. It wasn’t manufactured or brainwashed into them. This was their guy too and they were playing a part in electing him.

Still with just two hours sleep and a ton of pent up anxiety I am a lot more relaxed now. Hanging the banner put me at ease. I would love to write that it doesn’t matter how it turns out, I’m just honored to, blah, blah, blah. That would be a lie. It does matter and it matters a lot. Over the last couple years, my memories of losing candidates have started to fade with every won primary and debate. The Bucs are consistently good and even the Rays are winners now. Maybe we’re beyond all this. Actually, I think we are. We as a people are beyond all this. We’re beyond an inability to elect a black man President. We’re beyond the acceptance of campaigns run on fear and divisive rhetoric and we’re certainly beyond the Constitutional rape and pillage of the last eight years. Starting tonight we are all, as a people beyond it all.

For me, my precondition for political failure has been replaced by the most focused and positive and inclusive message of our time. I believe with nearly all of my head and heart that we will win tonight. When we do, I cannot imagine a greater sense of pride and emotion coming over me. Barack Obama and Joe Biden are the perfect team to lead us out of this unimaginable darkness and into a new chapter. I am enormously proud – more than I can articulate – to have been along for the ride for the entire time.

Five Important Minutes on Proposition 8

Dear Friends and Loyal Readers:

I am asking for your attention. I’m not asking for much; just the next five minutes or so of your life. Sit down, focus and read what I am sending you. I believe that other than the choice you will make for President, Proposition 8 is the most important issue on the ballot this year.

If you are a California citizen, I am asking for your careful consideration of what I am about to lay out. If you are not a citizen of the great state of California, you certainly know someone who is. I am asking you to pick up the phone and call that person or those people you know and encourage them in the way that I hope that I encourage you.

Proposition 8 is a ballot measure that will in essence reshape the California constitution to define marriage as only between a man and a woman. If this is an issue that makes you uncomfortable, I certainly understand. Marriage rights for same sex couples is not something with which everyone is comfortable. However, instead of allowing your own feelings to guide your decisions and position on this proposition, I would ask that you pick up the United States Constitution and give it a read. Read through the beautiful and groundbreaking purpose of perhaps the world’s most perfect and forgiving document.

The US Constitution has been described as living and breathing for its ability to change and grow with our culture. It has changed with the times to make amends for a country’s early failures and shortcomings. It has corrected mistakes and evolved over time. As we as a people have recognized our own failures it has allowed us the flexibility to correct course while moving forward.

There are twenty-seven amendments to the US Constitution, all of which go to great lengths to fix that which was broken by virtue of its own infancy and improve the lives of the people for which it was written. Each amendment stays true to the spirit of the preamble in its effort to establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty. How beautiful is that? Who should be denied the blessings of liberty? You? Me?

Nowhere in the Constitution will you see anything even slightly exclusionary. Nothing is designed to limit or remove the rights of Americans. The only time discriminatory policy is addressed is when it is being corrected.

The first amendment protects us from discrimination on the basis of our religion, protects our speech and the integrity of a free and open press. The thirteenth amendment abolished the horrors of slavery. In the fourteenth amendment our civil rights are bravely and clearly defended; “No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the law.”

Sit on that for a moment. Read it again. It is providing civil liberties and protection under the law to all citizens. Consistent with the rest of the Constitution, it does not exclude anyone and it does not take back rights. It is designed to protect and ensure the protection of every citizen of the United States of America. Whether, Christian or Jew, Muslim or atheist, you are protected. It doesn’t matter if you are black, white or any shade in between, you are protected. Straight, gay, a-sexual, nonsexual, it does not matter; you are protected.

The Constitution, whether state or federal is no place to amend or write into law anything that adds an asterisk to any rights afforded to any citizen. In this context, the word, ‘except’ does not exist. If something applies to me, it applies to you. If you are protected, so am I. Amending the constitution to define marriage as anything is simply not appropriate and should not happen.

The supporters of this bill in California are attempting to muddy the water by scaring us. They are telling tales of gay marriage being taught in public schools and even elementary classes being taken to same-sex wedding ceremonies as field trips. Does any of that sound right? It is nothing more than a lie. The California Superintendent has said very clearly that there is no curriculum that explains marriage of any sort – nor will there be.

Supporters like Rick Warren and others have said that Barrack Obama and John McCain support Proposition 8. This also is a lie. While both candidates personally define marriage between a man and a woman, neither McCain nor Obama support amending the Constitution to define marriage at all. They agree that it is just not appropriate on any level.

This proposition says nothing about churches rights. They can continue to deny the rights to marry anyone. They will not be obligated to marry same-sex couples nor will they be required to so much as accept them as members. Nothing changes in this regard. Proposition 8 is an issue of law and civil rights – nothing more, nothing less.

While this is a state measure, California is often a national trend setter with regard to legislation such as this. You have the opportunity to speak loudly and very clearly to the rest of the country that California is a state where the Constitution is honored for all people. Together we can say with one voice that we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Everyone has these rights under the law and everyone is charged with the duty of protecting them. You are your brother’s keeper in this case. You are your sister’s keeper and must defend her rights as you would your own. Stand up and stand strong and say in your loudest voice, NO! No to California Proposition 8 on November 4th. History will judge your discernment and wisdom kindly.

Thank you most sincerely,

Mickey Griffith

Rick Warren Begging For Support of Prop 8

The Proposition 8 debate is getting testy in California. Aside from my own brush with the creepy proponents of the divisive proposition, the ad spots endorsing the passage of prop 8 are turning increasingly deceptive and pathetic.

Every ‘Yes on 8’ ad stars a child in the role of victimized, unsuspecting student who was nearly sold down the Freddy Mercury Expressway by an educator in a California public school. And why not? What quicker way to a parent’s heart and vote than a good scare?

The ‘Yes on 8’ effort has been massively funded by the Mormon church, which is strange since they pretty much have their own state. Right there with them providing moral (no pun intended) support is California’s many Evangelical churches.

Walking that tightrope between policing the morality of the state and maintaining their tax exempt status is Orange County’s own, Rick Warren and Saddleback Church. Warren has been especially panicked regarding prop 8 and talks about it every chance he gets. He talks about the “sanctity of marriage” and protecting what marriage has meant for “more than 5000 years.”

I find it amazing that the church would go to such extreme lengths to protect the sanctity of marriages like Britney and K-Fed, Jacko and Lisa Marie and Liz Taylor and Larry King’s combined eighteen failed marriages but not Ellen’s one marriage or Star Trek’s, Sulu’s nuptials to his companion of several years.

Equally as perplexing is the time and money that Saddleback and Rick Warren are dumping into a bill that would not only assault the state constitution, but is designed to foster hate and discrimination while the wait list for marriage counseling at Saddleback Church is currently six months. What would Jesus think?

In Warren’s video plea to members he insinuates that both John McCain and Barack Obama supports prop 8. While Obama and McCain did state that they personally view marriage as between a man and a woman, Obama very clearly said that he would oppose any amendment of the Constitution to define marriage at all.

View Warren’s message here, and a clip of Joe Biden clearing the air here.

Obama's Closing Argument

Barack Obama called this his infomercial. His campaign has called it his closing argument. In either case, it is an effective and sincere tool to reach voters with less than a week to go. Here it is in it's entirety:

My Brush With the Devil, Death and the Law (in defense of marriage)

When I start my day late, my eating schedule gets thrown off. Today, I skipped breakfast and ate lunch at 3:30. By 9:30 I was starving and a tad anxious thanks to the stresses of work in a Bush economy. So, like any red-blooded American white guy, I set out on a walk to grab a burrito. At such an hour, I skipped the fries and opted for a second stop for a small cup of frozen yogurt. I really like the tart flavors. Tonight, I opted for a combination of blueberry, peach and pineapple.

On my walk to Del Taco I passed a gross mass of campaign signs from an assortment of candidates most have never heard from and will forget long before they vote next Tuesday. One sign stood out. It was a hand made sign on a wood steak. It was drawn in crayon – by a child. It said, very simply, ‘No on 8’. Proposition 8 in California is the divisive initiative that will in effect undo the state’s legalization of same sex marriage. It is attempting to rework the state constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman.

I am very clear on this. The constitution – no matter state or federal is no place to define marriage as anything. Altering the constitution to exclude anyone for any reason is just not appropriate. The ‘Yes on 8’ group is running a series of creepy ads that actually say that public schools will be forced to ‘teach gay marriage’. This is of course not true. The state superintendent of public schools has said that marriage instruction of any sort is not part of any public school district’s curriculum. No matter to the supporters of eight. “Protecting the family” is serious work and who better to do the dirty work than the kids?! All of the, ‘Yes on 8’ TV spots feature children in the staring role.

The handmade sign that I saw had been defaced by a big, bold, black marker. The ‘8’ had a big ‘X’ through it. On the left side, written vertically was ‘fags’ on the right was ‘yes’. At first I walked past it, but quickly turned back and pulled it from the ground and tossed it behind the large bushes.

On my walk back I passed several ‘yes on 8’ yard signs. I left them all alone. I’m a free speech guy who feels that everyone deserves to be heard no matter how wrong they might be. As I stood waiting for the crosswalk to change, I saw one last sign. It was across the street on the opposite side I needed to go to get home. The vision of the ‘fags/yes’ sign returned to my head and I took off for the sign. I figured I would wait until no cars were around and pull the sign up and toss it aside. Instead of just knocking it over, I pulled the sign up and started heading down the street with it. I was going to give it a proper burial amongst the rest of the trash.

I looked both ways a couple times and waited until no cars were within hearing distance. No more than five seconds after yanking the sign up a compact car pulled up along beside me across the street. The woman inside took me by surprise. It was as if she crawled straight out of the gutter, onto the street.

She called out, “excuse me?”

I looked over and did not say anything, continuing to walk.
“could you put that sign back on the corner?”

All I could think to say was, “I’m moving it.”

Then, the real fun began. The woman drove along side of me for the next hundred yards. When I got to my corner she crept behind me at a nearly immobile pace. I passed my street and kept walking and turned the next corner. I glanced back and saw the headlights lurking behind me. She was following me. As she got to the corner, she waited in the intersection to see where I went. I jaunted right down a side street that would lead me back to where I grabbed the sign. I picked up my pace, glancing back every couple seconds. I stuffed the now mangled, twisted sign into a bush when I was out of sight from this monster in the Corolla. I heard the alternator on her car click on and then saw her lights getting closer. Then, she stopped. I turned the corner onto the busy street where all this started and ducked behind a giant tree. I looked back and saw that she turned into the opposite direction. I slipped back onto the sidewalk and started heading down toward the corner in another attempt to head home. By this time I had nothing in my hands and all I would have to do would be to deny ever having the sign if I was questioned. I could even pretend to hate fags too if she ever confronted me in front of a cop. Just then, I saw an Irvine police car jet through the intersection to which I was headed. She had called the cops. I was officially a fugitive from the Irvine police and heaven’s prison guard. Who would get to me first?

A few minutes after seeing the IPD car, heaven’s Corolla was again behind me. This time she passed me and turned left away from where I was headed. To be safe, I opted to head one more street up and then circle back. As I headed into the neighborhood into what I thought was safety, I heard the unmistakable hum or a supped up V8 cruiser behind me. I was busted. I kept walking. The officer slowed down and waved me over. I walked up to the door and a friendly looking officer with one stripe on his sleeve smiled and asked me if I lived here. I told him where I lived and he asked me if I had seen a man between eighteen and twenty who was pulling up yard signs.

I laughed and said, “no, not tonight.”

“it wasn’t you was it?”

I laughed bigger and said, “no”

He thanked me and sped off into the night.

So the night ended on a high note. I feel safer and younger. The police responded to an urgent 911 call and defended the rights of those who are defending the families of California in less than eight minutes and I was confused with a man half my age. God bless America.

Movies For Smart People

Rachel Getting Married is the first Oscar worthy film of 2008. Jonathan Demme's effort as director is so fresh and unique that you will be left thinking about this film for a couple days after leaving the theater.

The film is shot in a psuedo-documentary format that leaves you feeling as if you are actually there as Kim (Anne Hathaway) leaves rehab. You will feel like you have a seat at the table of the rehearsal dinner as well as an aisle seat at the ceremony itself. I can't remember a more interactive film.

The film is Oscar worthy on a few fronts. Anne Hathaway's performance is virtually certain to garner her a nomination for best actress. Debra Winger, while far more subtle is no less impressive as Kim's emotionally disconnected mother.

Rich, sentimental, tragic, emotional and profoundly excellent.

Rachel Getting Married Trailer

Religulous is Bill Maher at his finest. What will surprise you most is how the really funny parts didn't even make it into the trailer.

Maher manages to poke holes in and lampoon all of the world's major religions by simply asking the questions that anyone honest about what they believe and not routinely asks.

Most impressive about this film is how it manages to be so funny without being offensive. Instead of snarky and rude, Maher is informed and well-read on the theology he exposes. Time after time, the true believers are tripped up by what they don't actually understand as it is explained by the agnostic asking the questions.

Religulous Trailer

William Weld Joins Republican Exodus in Obama Endorsement

Former Massechusetts Governor, William Weld has joined a growing list of prominent Republicans who are endorsing Barack Obama.

Obama Draws 150,000 in Colorado While McCain and Palin Look Desperate

What has six arms, six legs and an IQ of 80? Give up? Elizabeth Hasselbeck and the Palins on stage in Tampa. While the 'sassy' co-host of 'The View' talked wardrobe and flag pins in her introduction of Palin, Barack Obama drew more than 100,000 in Denver and another 50,000 later in Colorado Springs.

Obama allowed John McCain to frame his comments during his appearence on 'Meet the Press' earlier in the morning. McCain could only name four of the five former Secretaries of State who were endorsing him and confirmed in two different ways that his policies were consistent with those of the Bush administration as well as the GOP.

Meanwhile back in Tampa, Hasselbeck flipped her hair, bit her lip and stood almost constantly with hands on hips as if her candidate was the one up twelve points in national polls.

This week the Obama is planning similar events in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia and Florida.

Christian Right Intensifies Attacks on Obama

BY ERIC GORSKI AND RACHEL ZOLL
Terrorist strikes on four American cities. Russia rolling into Eastern Europe. Israel hit by a nuclear bomb. Gay marriage in every state. The end of the Boy Scouts.

All are plausible scenarios if Democrat Barack Obama is elected president, according to a new addition to the campaign conversation called "Letter from 2012 in Obama's America," produced by the conservative Christian group Focus on the Family Action.

The imagined look into the future is part of an escalation in rhetoric from Christian right activists who are trying to paint Obama in the worst possible terms as the campaign heads into the final stretch and polls show the Democrat ahead.

Although hard-edge attacks are common late in campaigns, the tenor of the strikes against Obama illustrate just how worried conservative Christian activists are about what should happen to their causes and influence if Democrats seize control of both Congress and the White House.

"It looks like, walks like, talks like and smells like desperation to me," said the Rev. Kirbyjon Caldwell of Houston, an Obama supporter who backed President Bush in the past two elections. The Methodist pastor called the 2012 letter "false and ridiculous." He said it showed that some Christian conservative leaders fear that Obama's faith-based appeals to voters are working.

Like other political advocacy groups, Christian right groups often raise worries about an election's consequences to mobilize voters. In the early 1980s, for example, direct mail from the Moral Majority warned that Congress would turn a blind eye to "smut peddlers" dangling pornography to children.

"Everyone uses fear in the last part of a campaign, but evangelicals are especially theologically prone to those sorts of arguments," said Clyde Wilcox, a Georgetown University political scientist. "There's a long tradition of predicting doom and gloom."

But the tone this election year is sharper than usual and the volume has turned up as Nov. 4 nears.

Steve Strang, publisher of Charisma magazine, a Pentecostal publication, titled one of his recent weekly e-mails to readers, "Life As We Know It Will End If Obama is Elected."

Strang said gay rights and abortion rights would be strengthened in an Obama administration, taxes would rise and "people who hate Christianity will be emboldened to attack our freedoms."

Separately, a group called the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission has posted a series of videos on its site and on YouTube called "7 Reasons Barack Obama is not a Christian."

The commission accuses Obama of "subtle diabolical deceit" in saying he is Christian, while he believes that people can be saved through other faiths.

But among the strongest pieces this year is Focus on the Family Action's letter which has been posted on the group's Web site and making the e-mail rounds. Signed by "A Christian from 2012," it claims a series of events could logically happen based on the group's interpretation of Obama's record, Democratic Party positions, recent court rulings and other trends.

Among the claims:

- A 6-3 liberal majority Supreme Court that results in rulings like one making gay marriage the law of the land and another forcing the Boy Scouts to "hire homosexual scoutmasters and allow them to sleep in tents with young boys." (In the imagined scenario, The Boy Scouts choose to disband rather than obey).

- A series of domestic and international disasters based on Obama's "reluctance to send troops overseas." That includes terrorist attacks on U.S. soil that kill hundreds, Russia occupying the Baltic states and Eastern European countries including Poland and the Czech Republic, and al-Qaida overwhelming Iraq.

- Nationalized health care with long lines for surgery and no access to hospitals for people over 80.

The goal was to "articulate the big picture," said Carrie Gordon Earll, senior director of public policy for Focus on the Family Action. "If it is a doomsday picture, then it's a realistic picture," she said.

Obama favors abortion rights and supports civil unions for same-sex couples, but says states should make their own decisions about marriage. He said he would intensify diplomatic pressure on Iran over its nuclear ambitions and add troops in Afghanistan.

On taxes, Obama has proposed an increase on the 5 percent of taxpayers who make more than $250,000 a year and advocates cuts for those who make less. His health care plan calls for the government to subsidize coverage for millions of Americans who otherwise couldn't afford it.

One of the clear targets of this latest conservative Christian push against the Democrat is younger evangelicals who might be considering him. The letter posits that young evangelicals provide the margin that let Obama defeat John McCain. But Margaret Feinberg, a Denver-area evangelical author, predicted failure.

"Young evangelicals are tired - like most people at this point in the election - and rhetoric which is fear-based, strong-arms the listener, and states opinion as fact will only polarize rather than further the informed, balanced discussion that younger voters are hungry for," she said.

In an interview, Strang said there are fewer state ballot measures to motivate conservative voters this election year and that the financial meltdown is distracting some voters from the abortion issue. But he said a last-minute push by conservative Christians in 2004 was key to Bush's re-election and predicted they could play the same role in 2008.

Kim Conger, a political scientist at Iowa State University, said a late push for evangelical voters did help Bush in 2004, "but it is a very different thing than getting people excited about John McCain," even with Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his vice presidential pick.

Phil Burress, head of the Ohio-based Citizens for Community Values, said the dynamics were quite different in 2004, when conservative Christians spent some energy calling Democrat John Kerry a flip-flopper but were mostly motivated by enthusiasm for George W. Bush.

Now, there is less excitement about McCain than fear of an Obama presidency, Burress said.

"This reminds me of when I was a school kid, when I had to go out in the hall and bury my head in my hands because of the atom bomb," he said.

Waiting For November 4th

BY LARRY DAVID
I can't take much more of this. Two weeks to go, and I'm at the end of my rope. I can't work. I can eat, but mostly standing up. I'm anxious all the time and taking it out on my ex-wife, which, ironically, I'm finding enjoyable. This is like waiting for the results of a biopsy. Actually, it's worse. Biopsies only take a few days, maybe a week at the most, and if the biopsy comes back positive, there's still a potential cure. With this, there's no cure. The result is final. Like death.

Five times a day I'll still say to someone, "I don't know what I'm going to do if McCain wins." Of course, the reality is I'm probably not going to do anything. What can I do? I'm not going to kill myself. If I didn't kill myself when I became impotent for two months in 1979, I'm certainly not going to do it if McCain and Palin are elected, even if it's by nefarious means. If Obama loses, it would be easier to live with it if it's due to racism rather than if it's stolen. If it's racism, I can say, "Okay, we lost, but at least it's a democracy. Sure, it's a democracy inhabited by a majority of disgusting, reprehensible turds, but at least it's a democracy." If he loses because it's stolen, that will be much worse. Call me crazy, but I'd rather live in a democratic racist country than a non-democratic non-racist one. (It's not exactly a Hobson's choice, but it's close, and I think Hobson would compliment me on how close I've actually come to giving him no choice. He'd love that!)

The one concession I've made to maintain some form of sanity is that I've taken to censoring my news, just like the old Soviet Union. The citizenry (me) only gets to read and listen to what I deem appropriate for its health and well-being. Sure, there are times when the system breaks down. Michele Bachmann got through my radar this week, right before bedtime. That's not supposed to happen. That was a lapse in security, and I've had to make some adjustments. The debates were particularly challenging for me to monitor. First I tried running in and out of the room so I would only hear my guy. This worked until I knocked over a tray of hors d'oeuvres. "Sit down or get out!" my host demanded. "Okay," I said, and took a seat, but I was more fidgety than a ten-year-old at temple. I just couldn't watch without saying anything, and my running commentary, which mostly consisted of "Shut up, you prick!" or "You're a fucking liar!!!" or "Go to hell, you cocksucker!" was way too distracting for the attendees, and finally I was asked to leave.

Assuming November 4th ever comes, my big decision won't be where I'll be watching the returns, but if I'll be watching. I believe I have big jinx potential and may have actually cost the Dems the last two elections. I know I've jinxed sporting events. When my teams are losing and I want them to make a comeback, all I have to do is leave the room. Works every time. So if I do watch, I'll do it alone. I can't subject other people to me in my current condition. I just don't like what I've turned into -- and frankly I wasn't that crazy about me even before the turn. This election is having the same effect on me as marijuana. All of my worst qualities have been exacerbated. I'm paranoid, obsessive, nervous, and totally mental. It's one long, intense, bad trip. I need to come down. Soon.

A Strangely Beautiful Thing

My friend, Lawrence lost his father today. Lawrence and his wife, Jacqueline and their children have been precious to me and have quite simply facilitated my survival over what has been the toughest year of my life.

Having recently lost my own father, I am well aware of what is certainly coursing through Lawrence’s soul right now. Though difficult and emotionally exhausting, it is also a beautiful and fitting step in the process of life.

I have heard the stories of courage of Lawrence’s family, specifically his stepmother, Joan as if they were read with clarity from a book with no pictures. To have his father pass into whatever is after this life provides a long overdue feeling of peace. I’m certain that everyone is happy for that.

Lawrence and I have spent a lot of time talking about this moment in his life over the last several weeks. The knowledge that it was fast approaching mixed with the uncertainty of how he would react and recover was a tremendous weight on the shoulders of a strong and capable man. His sense of purpose and place in the lives of his own children and family has never wavered or been stronger. Most impressive to me is the grace with which he continued on as a model husband and father; practicing guitar with his boys, helping his daughter with her homework, honoring and encouraging his wife with loving and encouraging words. All the while, much of what he knew in his life before his own family came along was being lost to time.

In the days leading up to his father’s death, I strongly encouraged Lawrence to settle in at his dad’s bedside until he was gone. He did that and seems happy that he did. If there is anything more beautiful and precious than escorting from this life one of the beings who brought you into it, I will never know what it is.

They say that our life flashes before our eyes in the moments before death. I can say that my life as it related to my father flashed before my eyes in the hours before and after his death. As Lawrence’s loss sits heavy in my heart, I hope that he too is experiencing this flashback in glorious, stunning detail. I hope that his reverence for his dad is crystal clear and that the memory of his touch and smell are firm in his memory banks. I want him to see in his mind, the strength and texture in his father’s hands and the sound of his voice. Mostly I hope that the tears that pour from his eyes in the hours and days that lie ahead are tears of love and joy and forgiveness and release.

The epilogue to the beauty of a loss such as this is found in the realization that the last layer between Lawrence and his own mortality is now gone. As he parts with his father in physical terms, it will no doubt occur to him that his children will do the same with him. Their small, growing hands will be on him as he draws his last breath as his were on his father. I hope they never look the same as he returns home and that his inspiration moving forward is drawn from the abundance of love and support of his family. If we do indeed reap what we sew, Lawrence will be more than cared for as he eases into what is next.

Colin Powell Endorses Obama

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell endorsed Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., for president on Sunday, criticizing his own Republican Party for what he called its narrow focus on irrelevant personal attacks over a serious approach to challenges he called unprecedented.

Powell, who for many years was considered the most likely candidate to become the first African-American president, said in an interview on NBC’s “Meet the Press” that he was not supporting Obama because of his race. He said he had watched both Obama and his Republican opponent, Sen. John McCain of Arizona, for many months and thought “either one of them would be a good president.”

But he said McCain’s choices in the last few weeks — especially his selection of Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska as his vice presidential running mate — had raised questions in his mind about McCain’s judgment.

“I don’t believe [Palin] is ready to be president of the United States,” Powell said flatly. By contrast, Obama’s running mate, Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware, “is ready to be president on day one.”

Powell also told NBC’s Tom Brokaw that he was “troubled” by Republicans’ personal attacks on Obama, especially false intimations that Obama was Muslim and the recent focus on Obama’s alleged connections to William Ayers, a co-founder of the radical ’60 Weather Underground.

Stressing that Obama was a lifelong Christian, Powell denounced Republican tactics that he said were insulting not only to to Obama but also to Muslims.

“The really right answer is what if he is?” Powell said, praising the contributions of millions of Muslim citizens to American society.

“I look at these kind of approaches to the campaign, and they trouble me,” Powell said. “Over the last seven weeks, the approach of the Republican Party has become narrower and narrower.”

In an interview Sunday on Fox News, McCain said he was not surprised by the announcement.

“I’ve always admired and respected General Powell,” said McCain, who cited the endorsements he had received from former Secretaries of State Henry Kissinger, Alexander Haig, James Baker and Lawrence Eagleburger. “We have a respectful disagreement.”

Bolstering Obama’s international credentials
Obama said in an interview airing Monday on NBC’s TODAY that he welcomed Powell’s support and looked forward to discussing what role, if any, Powell might have in an Obama administration should he be elected.

“Here is what I can say for certain: He will have a role as one of my advisers. He has already served in that function even before he endorsed me,” Obama told NBC’s Matt Lauer. “Whether he wants to take a formal role — whether there’s something that’s a good fit for him — I think is something that he and I would have to discuss.”

Powell, a retired Army general who was chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff under the first President Bush before becoming secretary of state in the current administration, is one of the most highly decorated military officers of modern times and an admired figure in both parties. The Obama campaign is likely to cite the endorsement as an answer to critics and undecided voters who have questioned the foreign policy credentials of Obama, a first-term senator whose national experience amounts to four years in the Senate.

Powell said a major part of his decision to turn his back on his own party was his conclusion that Obama was the better option to repair frayed U.S. relations with allies overseas.

“This is the time for outreach,” Powell said, saying the next president would have to “reach out and show the world there is a new administration that is willing to reach out.”

In particular, he said, he welcomed Obama’s president to “talk to people we haven’t talked to,” a reference to Obama’s controversial statement that he would be open to direct diplomacy with Iranian leaders.

“I think that [Obama] has a definite way of doing business that will serve us well,” Powell said.

Sins of My Father (Part Four) - By the Time I Get to Arizona

My summer trips to Charleston continued through my eighth grade year. It was in that summer that I started to recognize that my dad had issues and struggles that I knew nothing about. My mind was growing and developing and I was anything but an incurious teenager. I was beginning to form opinions and attitudes and ask ‘why?’ and ‘why not?’ often.

I looked forward to accompanying my dad to his baseball games. He managed an amateur team made up of guys who either just missed making it or missed it a long time ago. Most of his players were in their late twenties and many of them had families. It was similar to beer league softball except far more intense and the players were far more skilled and talented.

Often, my grandfather would come with us and hang out in the dugout or coach first base. I went along at usually watched for about three innings and then went looking for something else to do until the game ended. On one drive to the ball field I entered into what I thought was a light hearted debate about drugs with my father. My cousin Vicki had used marijuana during the school year and was hanging out with some general ‘undesirables’. This had created quite a ruckus in the family. When I suggested that in the big picture, this was really no big deal it was clear to them that I needed to be scared straight. Poppy and my dad took to teaching me about weed on the way to the game. Dad told me that pot was every bit as dangerous as any other drug and could actually kill you. While eighth grade certainly wasn’t inundated with pot, it was around and the social warning label that had been placed on it in my mind was starting to fade and come into a truer focus.

Midway through the debate, Poppy accepted that I was not a user or even vulnerable to be and eased into his seat, listening to the Cincinnati Reds game on the radio. Dad persisted, digging his heels in, insisting that Vicki’s joints and bongs would lead to her literal demise. Ready to give up and move on, I responded to one of his inane claims by saying, “you’re crazy!” Dad nearly drove off the road. His blood pressure shot through the roof. In the rear view mirror I could see that his eyes were bulging and glaring at me with an anger with which I could not personally relate. He barked, “I AM NOT CRAZY!” I was stunned still, with no idea how to respond. I just stared at him in the mirror. “Do you hear me? I am not crazy!” Poppy stepped in and told him to settle down. Slowly he did, but his reaction was like nothing I had ever seen in anyone, especially him.

In the several seconds that this exchange took place I wilted. Sitting alone in the backseat I melted into a mix of confusion, guilt, pain and rejection. My eyes filled with tears as I wished to myself that I could go home. The thought of flying home early passed through my mind. The more I thought of it, the more I wanted to go and the more I cried. I stared out the open window with the wind in my face so that my tears would blow off my cheeks and not be seen. We all sat quietly for the rest of the drive.

In the dugout at the field, Poppy sat down and told me that dad was very sensitive to being called crazy. He went on to chastise me for being disrespectful, attaching a long list of bad luck that my dad had experienced in his life as if that alone bought him extra understanding from a son he saw once a year. While I was still hurting, I let it go. Most of the emotion that surged through me was guilt for hitting what was clearly a nerve in my father. I didn’t ask what should have been the logical follow-up question; “why is he sensitive to being called crazy?” That would have begged the questions, “is he crazy?” and “what is wrong with him?” Looking back, his reaction to me seems almost cartoon like. I think it was less a reaction to my lack of fear and proper respect for marijuana and more of an issue of me not buying into his experience and authority on the topic. Not as a father, but as someone who knows. He failed to sway me and I reacted in a way that passively challenged his sanity.

Of course, his contention that pot kills was not something that I thought made him truly crazy. It seemed that all adults towed this company line and I called anyone with which I disagreed, ‘crazy’. It was that simple. However, this was the first time in my life that I felt anything other than unconditional love for my dad. It was also the first time that I wanted to react back in a hurtful way. I nearly launched back with the, “you were never there, you have no right…” barrage that kids of divorce often employee when hurt. But more than any of this, his reaction along with Poppy’s explanation created the first time I ever wondered what it was that happened to my dad to make him how he was. Everything else came into an unhealthy, dysfunctional focus at that time: he bounced from job to job, lived with his parents and had little regard for the integrity of the truth in any vain. Suddenly, in the backseat of his car I saw my dad as the tremendously flawed man that he was.

What I did not see nor did I have the ability to properly relate to, was the pain that he felt. At that time, I didn’t understand it and could not have known the depths to which he repressed it.

Perhaps it was the years of living with and being raised by my mom, but I was of the opinion that I had earned a lifetime of parental immunity from my dad when it came to him being upset at me and lashing out. All parents slip up and lash out at their kids, but typically they have a sense of equity in the process from which to draw. It became clear to me in a flash that he did not and in my mind did not have the right to raise his voice at me. Of course being the peace-keeper, the codependent in training, I quickly let all this go and moved on as far as my reaction went. I guess I figured if we all just pretended like none of this ever happened, things would be easier. So I did and they were.

Baseball more often than not accentuated what was best about my dad. He was often generous and paternal to young men who needed a father figure. The man that he was to so many of those guys was an aberration, though. There was very little truly paternal about my father. His parenting instinct was almost non-existent and his judgment was suspect to say the least. The position that he assumed with so many of his payers through the years was most often a hybrid of mentor and friend. The language he used in their company was unlike any that even I, at fourteen had ever heard. Off the field he never used this language, but on it he used profanity in context that made no sense. Where many would ‘damn’ or ‘shit’, he would opt for ‘piss’ or ‘cunt’. I have never heard the word, ‘cunt’ used on a baseball field since. I actually thought about helping him how to more effectively curse, teaching him the context that he lacked.

This summer vacation ended differently. Nanny and Poppy and I drove Poppy’s van from West Virginia. It wasn’t abundantly clear to me at the time, but Poppy was scouting out a new place to live. He was ready to leave West Virginia and wanted to be closer to my brother and me. There was clearly an ulterior motive that was not clear to me at first, however.

After Nanny and Poppy made their move to Florida, dad moved to Phoenix. In West Virginia, he had last worked for the state medical examiners office. He had worked out a transfer to a similar office in Arizona. It immediately occurred to me; why when his parents were moving two miles from his children, he would move 2,500 miles in the opposite direction? I was profoundly confused. Even as Nanny was still putting glasses in her new shelves at her new home, I asked her why dad had decided not to come with them. She dodged the question saying that it was complicated. As I challenged her, suggesting that dad didn’t care enough to be close to us, she snapped back, “that is not true, Mickey.” Nanny rarely lost her cool, so when she did it spoke volumes. I backed off and accepted that there was something behind the scenes that I knew nothing about and probably wouldn’t understand.

I was much more comfortable prodding Poppy for these answers. He didn’t enjoy the topic any more than Nanny, but he accepted my need to know and my ability to understand. Like, Nanny he reassured me that my dad would much rather be close to Chris and me. What followed was the shell of an explanation designed to explain just enough to a teenager without telling too much. What stuck with me was that my dad had entered into a partial ownership or a stake in a local bar that he frequented with his players. I remember seeing this place. It was a fee-standing building next to nothing, near nothing with basically no windows. I’m not sure I was ever inside the bar, but have a pretty good idea what it looked like. The bottom line seemed to be that something went wrong and someone was in hot pursuit of my dad. I wasn’t sure if it was the police or someone who had maybe financed the effort. The idea of organized crime even crossed my mind. Certainly the mob wasn’t in West Virginia, were they?!

While I really had no choice but to let this go, I did so knowing that this is about as much as I would get on the subject. The truth of the matter was probably a bit of all of the theories that had run through my mind. He probably defrauded someone who had invested and had them as well as the police in route. Running in the opposite direction as my grandparents made sense. Anyone looking for my dad would certainly look in the home of his parents. It’s almost as if he went to Phoenix to ride things out. The more time that has passed on this theory, the more I have come to believe it.

As Nanny and Poppy settled in, Nanny started sharing stories from dad’s new life in Phoenix. Predictably, it wasn’t going well, and he was struggling mightily. I asked her why he hadn’t called me at all since moving west. Nanny went on to tell me how depressed he was. I asked for his number. I had decided to call him myself.
I was angry that I was in the position of having to call him. It had now been several months since I heard from him and I was angry and confused and quite worried. Mostly, I was mad as hell.

His phone rang three times and I thought about hanging up. He picked up the phone and answered in a muted, hushed voice. I had forgotten to do the math on the time change between Florida and Arizona. Again, I thought about hanging up, but quickly greeted him, “dad?”

We spoke very briefly. He was concerned with me getting in trouble for calling. I assured him that no one would have an issue with me calling. I asked about Arizona and his job. He told me that he had gone on a date with Stevie Nicks, which I did not believe. He told me that money was a problem, and for a minute I had a glimpse into the depression that Nanny had told me about. While he was happy to have heard from me, I continued to fume inside that I called him instead of receiving his regular call.

After I hung up, I called Nanny and asked for my dad’s mailing address. She gave it to me and didn’t ask why. I rummaged up an envelope and stuffed all the money I had into it and threw a stamp on it. As I walked it to the mailbox my anger started to subside. I became focused on how I might be helping him and that Nanny would be proud. Yet her unwritten rule was to do nice things for people and tell no one so that our motives remain true. So, I didn’t tell her about the thirteen dollars that I sent my dad. On my walk back to the house it occurred to me that I had probably just sent my dad cigarette money for the week, and I became angry again. With a dismissive gesture toward the mailbox, I said out loud, “fuck it.”

When my dad got the money, it did not prompt him to call me, but he did call Nanny and Poppy. My gesture moved them and they told me so and how happy things like that made Jesus as if I were nine years-old in Sunday school class. As Nanny hugged me tight, Poppy handed me fifteen dollars from his pocket.

Breaking Down the Undecided

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The Plan For Ohio by Mindy Green and Friends